When Life Gives You Lemons
by RoxyFoxySabrina
Summary: What happens when everthing you've ever loved is falling apart?You turn gothic of course.Rated R for Language,Suicide,Sexuality and Prostitution
1. Me

Author's Note:BWAHA!Hiya! This is my FIRST fanfic so please don't hate me if it sucks! please read and review!If you like it,tell me!If you hate it,tell me!I won't continue writing unless I get some reviews!P.S. I own nothing of Lizzie McGuire,obviously.  
  
If I could take it all back,I would.If I could stop myself before I did it,I would.I know what triggered it.It was my stupid fucking life,but I never thought I would actually go through with it.It's not like I've never thought about it before though,I just never did it.My whole life had gone from almost wonderful to just plain fucked up.  
I recall the year I was in 8th grade as being the best year of my life.Lizzie,Gordo and I had a blast that year.Everything was great,until freshman year.Thats when it all started going downhill.Lizzie and Gordo hooked up.It didn't bother me much though,because they'd liked each other forever.I managed to get a boyfriend of my own.Albert Lopez was his name.He was my first boyfriend and my first kiss.But as sophmore year came into perspective,the chemistry died and we broke up.I didn't cry,or feel bad about myself or anything though.It didn't really matter to me much.Lizzie and Gordo grew though.  
Lizzie would prance around all butt-happy all of the time and she soon started to get on my nerves.But I needed her,she was the only one I could talk to,so I put up with her.Then,Lizzie begin to turn into a ditzy bitch,like Kate,her new best friend.Things stayed the same between Gordo and I though.We still stayed friends and I talked to him,not as openly as I did with Lizzie though.Its not like he payed attention anyway.He was too busy with Lizzie.  
So sophmore year sucked.I had no best friend to talk to and no one to express my feelings to.Over time,I began to express how I was feeling through my clothes,and my apperance.I began wearing nothing but black,pretty much all of the time.I cut my hair short enough to spike in the back,with two long strips which framed my face.My parents didn't care much.They began fighting almost everyday and lately I heard plans of my dad moving out.They hadn't noticed a change in my apperance at all.But they did notice when I pierced my nose.  
I went and got it done after school and when I got home,my mom demanded to know what I had done to my face.She told my dad and they sat down to decide a good punishment for me,which just started another argument.They finally settled on grounding me for a month.Whoop dee doo.Its not like I listened anyway.I just went back the next day and pierced my eyebrow and my lip.  
My make-up was just as bad.I wore heavy black eyeliner,powder which made my pace appear pale,smokey gray eyeshadow and sometimes black lipstick if I was feeling bold.My bitten down,chipped nails were always painted black and I took off my long-time-cherished charm bracelet that Lizzie gave me when I was 7.Nobody talked to me anymore,except for Gordo.But I didn't care.I didn't give a fuck what they thought.I heard what they said behind my back.Gothic slut.Blair witch.Deranged bitch.I wasn't gonna let them make me feel bad.I felt bad enough. 


	2. The Whore The Pot Head and The Goth

Have you ever woken up,and wished you stayed in bed?Today was one of those days.Actually.everyday is one of those days.Anyhow,I woke up and got ready for school.My usual routine.Get up.Take a shower.Get dressed.Not very glamorous.I remember my 'glamor days.'The time in 8th grade where I would obsess over my clothes,hair and make-up.It didn't matter to me anymore.I had no one to dress up for.My best friend left me,and there was no way in hell any guy would ever like me now.But I was fine with that,because,I was comfortable in my skin.I wasn't happy.But I was comfortable.  
My parents ended up divorcing.My dad left and my mom started giving me these sob stories about him abusing her.I know she was lieing.He never put his hands on her.But she wanted custody of me.I don't why.I suppose it had somthing to do with income taxes,and wanting to claim me.So I had to start walking to school because my dad took our car.Though it may sound like,and it may not,we not rich.My mom works at a make-up company and thats where I used to get most of my make-up from.She also a great bargain hunter,which explains my glamor day clothes.  
So when I was done getting ready,I headed for school.It wasn't very far from my house.I can't say I needed the exercise,because though I may have fallen into depression somwhat,I didn't gain any extra pounds and I was just as skinny as ever.  
Walking to school was actaully very calming.I liked it far more than having my dad drop me off while listening to his ghett country music and trying to get on my good side.I also liked it because I got to try things I never would have otherwise with my parents watching me.Weed,for example.I started it the beginning of my junior year,and now,in the middle of it,I was pretty much hooked.I smoked every other day with these college guys I met on my way to school.I was late to school all the time,but it didn't matter.It was worth it.When I was high I felt like everybody was my friend,like i was loved by everyone.It was easy to forget about my problems when i was high.So not only was I a goth,I was a stoner.A pot head.Of course,on top of that,I guess you could say I was a slut too.  
To get weed,you need money,and to get money,you need a job,which I had.It wasn't a very stable one though.I was a whore.Of course,I never picked up clients at school.They were all college students.I knew it was wrong,and I knew I'd catch somthing some day,but I needed the money.When you think you have horrible problems that can't be fixed like I thought I did,you'll do anything to find an escape.And my escape happened to be weed.So I was a whore,a goth and a pot head.Wonderful 'eh?  
Anyhow,I managed to get to school.Today wasn't 'my day',meaning Robby and Steven weren't gonna supply me today.I'd have to wait 'til tomarrow.  
When I got to school,Kate and her posse were outside,talking about last night's football game and yada yada yada.I saw Lizzie sitting next to Kate,nodding at her like a vantrilequist dummy.I snorted.I knew it was going to turn out like that.Kate was going to use Lizzie as her lackey,not her friend.It would be so amusing to see Kate telling Lizzie she wasn't good enough anymore and to see Lizzie get crushed.I don't think Lizzie really thought she was her friend either.I pictured Lizzie in a dog collar,sitting at Kate's feet.I laughed to myself as I saw Kate hit her with a newspaper,but my day dream was interrupted when a soda can hit me in the back of the head.I turned around to find Ethan Craft and Kate laughing hysterically.  
  
"Oh Miranda..I'm soo sorry...my bad!"Ethan huffed through chuckles.  
  
I felt the back of my shirt.Wet.The soda can was full.I sighed in disgust and shook my head.I happened to catch a glance at Lizzie,who was also laughing.I raised an eyebrow at her,which seemed to spark another set of laughs.I rolled my eyes and headed inside.My shirt was black.It would dry.  
The day was just like any other.1st,2nd,3rd and 4th hour were all boring.I sat by myself at lunch.I played my violin in 5th hour,perfected my art project in 6th hour,and fell asleep through social studies 7th hour.  
After school,I took the bus to the college,found the dorm of some guy I met at the party,and knocked on the door.A tall blonde guy named Richie opened the door  
  
"Hey babe" he said,grinning.I cracked a smile"Um..hey Richie"  
  
He invited me in and showed me to his bed.I sat down on his bed and took off my jacket "What did we agree to?" Richie grinned again.He configured the price and offered me a drink.I shook my head.I wanted to just get it over with.As if he read my mind,Richie pushed me down on the bed,and started kissing me.I shut my eyes and let him do as he pleased,just like always.I tuned out for a while.I pretended I was somewhere else,just like I did with everybody else I had ever fucked.Richie had his fun,and finished up.He lay back on his bed,struggling for breath and I got up and got dressed.Richie got up,wrapped a towel around himself and hugged me.He handed me my money and I stuffed it in my pocket.He kissed me again,his tongue exploring my mouth.I half heartdly kissed back and turned to leave.I sighed when I got outside and crossed my arms over my chest.I felt a slight sting in my eye and my lip started to quiver.Warm tears rolled down my cheeks and I sniffled,trying to regain my composure.I couldn't cry,not now.I had been doing this for half the school year.It wasn't anything new.It didn't hurt any more.So why was I crying? ---------------------------------------------------------------------------- -------------------  
The next day was the same thing.I woke up to my mom sewing somthing on her old sewing machine.It was Friday.She only sews on Friday,I though.Thank God.It was almost Saturday.  
I got up and took a shower,got dressed,put on my make-up,and headed for school.I stopped on the way though,in a large ditch on the side of the road where Robby was waiting for me.I smiled and handed him my money.In return he handed me a small plastic bag filled with weed.He also gave me some rolling paper and I made myself a joint right then and there.After a few good puffs,I beamed.Everything felt wonderful.It was all good.I could have run in front of a car at the moment and still have been happy.I felt like I could fly.I thanked Robby,packed my new stash in my backpack and headed for school.Kate and Ethan didn't harrass me today like yesterday,which I figured was good,because today I was high,and I would charge at them.I'd probably get my ass kicked by the whole cheerleading squad though.  
I headed for first hour after the bell rang.Science wasn't too bad,I think the worst part of it all was that Kate,Claire,and Lizzie were in that class with me.Gordo was too,but he spent all of his time kissing on Lizzie and doing his work so he never even looked at me.Today,in particular,was bad,because our science teacher Mr.Bobian put us in groups for our disection study.My group consisted of a small shy girl named Sandra,a pretty black girl which I had never seen before named Ana,and Lizzie.I was ecstatic.....not.In reality,I despised the fact that I had to work with Kate Jr.  
Lizzie sat next to me at the table I was at "Hi Miranda.How have you been?Well..since..."She said."Since you ditched me?"I added coldly. I could have sworn I saw a flicker of hurt in her eyes,but she covered it up quickly."Yes..well...things change..you know..."She mumbled.I rolled my eyes.This was going to be a long hour. 


	3. I need to be punished

After splitting up the jobs we need to do for the project,Lizzie went back to her seat next to Kate.I propped up my feet on my desk and waited,expecting Sandra and Ana to get the hint and leave.They didn't.Ana sat there and fiddled with her thumbs,while Sandra stared at me,like I was a freak at the circus.I tried not to notice,but eventually I matched her stare,giving her a "What ARE you looking at!" kind of look.She quickly looked away and I smirked to myself.It was amazing how a little make-up and a change of clothing can intimedate people.  
The bell finally rang and I gathered my stuff from in my desk.Ah.And now off to 2nd hour.I reluctantly stalked off to my locker and popped it open.I didn't see the point of using the lock.I had nothing of any value in there anyway.The blue door swung open to reveal my english book.But ontop of it was an indez card.A black index card which said "WATCH YOUR BACK GOTH" in bold red letters.I chuckled and tossed it in the trash can next to me.I had gotton soooo many of them,it was like a routine to open my locker and find one.  
I got my book and the rest of the crap I needed for class and headed toward the class room.I sat down in my usual seat,in the back,away from everyone.Mrs.Muller,our english teacher,went on about poetry and stuff.I stared at the clock all hour,watching seconds turn into hours and silently praying for the hour to end.As the end of class finally came,Mrs.Muller got out a stack of papers to pass out for homework.  
  
"Hmm...lets see."I heard her mumble"Miranda.Would you please help me pass these out?"  
  
I sat up,caught by suprise.I nodded and got up.She handed me a huge stack of packets.I started at the front of the classroom and worked my way to the back.Everything went smoothly,until I got to Jenna's desk.I dropped her packet and bent down to get it.So did she.We bumped heads and she sat up to look at me.I put my hand to my and mumbled "sorry."Jenna looked up at me and smiled"No problem."  
I blinked as I noticed her smile,so beautiful,so....intense.A warm sensation went through me and my knees started to shake.I smiled stupidly and caught my balance,as I almost feel"O- ok.."I exclaimed.I bit down on my lip and continued passing out papers.I heard the bell rang and gathered my stuff when I was finished.There was still a smile plastered on my face as I went to 3rd hour.  
When I finally realized what was going on,I was in 3rd hour and Mr.Kagen was talking about the american revolution.I,of course,wasn't paying attention,and instead,I was absent mindedly writing on my hand with a black pen.When the bell rang,I sat up and shook my head,coming back to reality.I gathered my stuff,and I happened to look at my hand,which had the name "Jenna" written on it all over.I almost dropped my books.I liked her.I couldn't believe it.I couldn't like her.She was a girl!That would make me a lesbian!!  
The rest of the day was just as bad.When school was finally over,I rushed to my locker.I didn't want to work today,and I figured my new stash would last me for a while.So instead I walked home.On the way home,though,a red car passed.Inside were 4 girls.Lizzie,Kate,some girl I didn't know,and Jenna.I almost dropped my backpack as I saw Jenna and she smiled at me.Obvioulsy Kate and Lizzie hadn't taken over her mind too.  
After they passed,I dropped my backpack and fell to my knees.Now,ontop of everything else,I was a fucking lesbian!Everything I ever believed in was over.It was all gone and everything in my life sucked.When I finally got home,I ran upto my room and cried.I cried because of me lifestyle,because of my apperance,and because of my newfound sexuality.Now there was no way I would ever be accepted by anybody.  
That night was the night I started cutting.I got a razor blade from downstairs,sat cross legged on my bed,and slowly,with quivering hands,brought the sharp edge of the blade across my wrist.It stung like hell,but in a strange way,it felt good.I felt like I was punishing my self for being so fucked up.I felt better.I would have continued,and gone deeper,but then there was a knock on my door,and my mother stumbled in,drunk.I had never seen her drunk,and at first it scared me.I helped her up onto my bed and stroked her forhead as she spilled stories about how she missed my dad and how she wanted him to come back for the rest of my night.I finally got to sleep after she did,about 2 a.m. 


	4. DreamsSuck

I loved Saturdays.Actually,I loved anyday that I didn't have to go to school.I loathed around all day in my pajamas.I got on the computer for a while after breakfast and attempted my homework.Hah.Me.Homework.Why was I doing this again?I never do my homework.I suppose I just did it to keep my mind off of Jenna.  
My mother was doing laundry that day,so she was coming in and out of my room,gathering and putting away clothes,so if I wanted to cut again,I'd have to wait.The name 'Jenna' flashed through my head all day,and no matter how hard I tried,I couldn't make it go away.During the day I would slip away and fantasize about kissing her.Everytime I did,though,I would smack myself in the head.I couldn't do this!Girls are supposed to like guys!I felt so dirty,so unfaithful.The good thing about having an already stressed mother is the fact that I had an excuse not to tell her.If I did,she would probably kick me out.And if she did that,I was screwed.All of my family lived in Mexico.  
Sometime during the day,I fell asleep.I had a horrible nightmare.It wasn't about Jenna though.I was in a cold,stone room.Lizzie was standing in the corner,wearing nothing but a pair of boxers and a white wife beater.She was crying hysterically.Gordo was in the other corner.He was wearing a large white shirt which went down to his ankles and nothing more.He was beaming proudly and holding what seemed to be a broom.I wanted so much to reach out to Lizzie and hug her,embrace her,comfort her.But I couldn't move.I could only watch helplessly as Gordo walked over to Lizzie and whispered somthing in her ear.This made her cry harder.  
"GORDO!"I yelled"WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO LIZZIE!"But he just looked at me,still beaming.Lizzie looked up,so our eyes met."Kate!Oh my God Kate!"She yelled at me.I tried to explain to her that I wasn't Kate,But I could no longer talk.Infact,it felt like somebody had ripped out my vocal cords.Gordo looked at Lizzie again,and she started to scream "NO!NO!"Then I woke up.  
I was covered in cold sweat and I was struggling for breath.It was cold and dark outside.I sat up and shook my head.I stood up,my feet hitting the cold floor.I went over to my window and opened it.The coldness hit me and stung against the hot skin of my face.I rubbed my eyes and looked over at my alarm clock.9:00 p.m.I opened my door and looked downstairs.My mom was laying on the couch,with a guy ontop of her who wasn't my dad.They were both fully dressed,but they were making out like teenagers.I shook my head and wrinkled my nose in disgust.So this is what she did when I was at school.I went back into my room,and made it a point to slam the door shut.  
I pulled the covers from my bed and lied down.I crossed my arms behind my head and under my pillow.I shut my eyes,but opened them quickly.I kept seeing Lizzie,crying.And Gordo,beaming.I yawned and shut them again.This time I tried to figure out what it meant.Did I miss Lizzie?Did I need her and Gordo?Was Gordo treating her badly?  
These thoughts lingered in my head the rest of the night,as I tossed and turned,not finding sleep easy.When the sun finally creeped through my window,I sat up.I must've fallen asleep somtime,because the last thing I remembered was looking at the clock,and its saying 1:00 a.m.Gah.Sunday.How did I let the weekend pass me up so quickly?  
  
A.N. Sorry this chapter is so short.I NEED MORE REVIEWS! Or I may refuse to write any more .. o.O 


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